I was caught off guard – with my pants down, literary…but not really . The girl whom I had a crush on was standing on my way.

Every evening, for three months now, I had been watching her at her home’s balcony from my living room. Many eyes, like mine, would be gazing at her making me feel uneasy and restless. These eyes had grown by leaps and bounds within a short time.

Before making this great decision, I enquired from my friends on what actually love is. They told me that when one is  in love, something special happens inside and love becomes a part of you. From then on, you feel as though you owned the whole world. I believed them. I have heard many a person say the same thing and it seemed to me they knew a lot.

So there I was a few steps away from this beautiful girl. Anything could happen, I thought. While she stood at the balcony, many a time, I would try to wave but she was unwilling to response. A sense of anger ran in me. But something told me that she was in love with me, I therefore felt confident enough to approach her. And the time was now. She was standing in front of me, unaware that I was behind her. I wanted to turn back but some force urged me to move on. I obliged. At first she did not answer back when I greeted her. Instead, she just exhaled loudly, and then answered back vivaciously. I was really scared not knowing what to do next. A stream of cold sweat formed on my forehead. I felt a hot sensation all over my body. So what would I do now? I asked myself. Unlike the times she was at the balcony, today she looked big and equally matured. We stood there facing each other, in the open fields. Many people were passing as others looked at us as though we were  Martians from outer space. Their suspicious looks made me quite uneasy.  I decided not to do anything, recalling that my friends had also informed me that love just comes automatically. You think about it, and there it is, they advised. So I decided to wait for love. I felt hot and nothing had yet happened. A drunkard came passing and quickly uttered some unprintable expletives. I instantly dismissed him as intoxicated, careless and wasted. The sun was now getting to rest. I began to be ashamed of myself  for holding up everything so long. I began to wonder what people thought of me and why I had to fall in love in the first instance. I blamed myself for being in such a situation. I decided that  in order to save my skin,  I should just force myself to fall in love, and see what would happen. I held her arm and tried to whisper that I was in love with her. But my throat was already dry. My body became stiff, hot and sweaty. When I had settled, in a hushed silence punctuated by a few ecstatic smiles, I felt that was in love and suddenly left. That night, I cried. I cried and could not stop. I buried my head under the pillow. My brother heard me cry and said that I was crying because he had seen me talking to a girl earlier in the day. He said that I was in love. But I could not bear to tell my brother that  I had lied , that I had been deceived by my angel and that I had not fallen in love as yet. I did not believe that there was love anymore since I did not feel it. 

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